Welcome to the second issue of The Apparent Letter. For those who missed it, here's the first issue.
Last week was crazy. I got an overwhelming support for starting this newsletter from amazing parents I met online.
The reason I started this letter is to remind myself every week to listen to my inner parent more.
Parenting is a skill that's learned. I live by this statement.
But at the same time, learning about parenting from the right resources help me rely on my instinctual parenting with more self-confidence.
When I learn that a loving touch prepares his brain for his future social and emotional relationships, I turn away from unsolicited advice on spoiling him.
When I learn that nighttime parenting is good for his sleep, I can play a deaf ear to those who recommend that I teach him to be independent at night.
When I learn that my baby's body and mind are works-in-progress, I offer a generous amount of tolerance to his needs.
Here's an excerpt from the book “The Yes Brain” by Dan Siegel, clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine and author of several ground-breaking books:
“If you want a single reason to be patient with your child when he’s melting down or being unreasonable in some way, this is it: his brain isn’t fully formed yet, and he is, at least at times, literally incapable of controlling his emotions and body.”
The best kind of parenting advice we can get is the one that directs us towards finding our own answers.
After all, parenting, although sounds one-directional, is a bi-directional relationship.
Here's a game I like to play. When I see a parenting tip somewhere, I exchange the word "child" with "husband." Does the tip still make sense? Let's try:
🙈 When your husband wakes up at night, don't make eye contact with him.
🤐 When your husband behaves in an undesired way, ignore the bad behavior.
✋ Don't cuddle with your husband so much or he will be dependent on you for the rest of his life.
Try this game with a recent parenting tip that you got and let me know how it goes.
So friends, learn for understanding a child's world. Learn for communicating better. Learn for being aware.
Most importantly, learn for amplifying your inner voice as a mother and father.
Nature has equipped us with the purpose of crafting the next generation. What better voice to listen to?
🥄 Nurturing my favorite moms and dads
This week's theme is your baby's brain. Here's what I wrote around this topic lately:
Learn about your baby's brain and be a better parent: How a baby's brain develops is not in many expectant parents' reading list. But when parents have knowledge about baby brain development on baby's first week, they are able to offer higher quality parenting, research found.
Why do babies fight sleep and how brain knowledge helps: All conditions are optimal for sleep. But our babies cannot roll away and fall asleep like adults. Why? How are their systems different than ours that it makes it hard to put themselves to sleep and stay asleep? I got curious from a nervous system perspective and researched the topic.
Thank you for reading. ❤️
If you've enjoyed this letter, consider sending it to a loved one. It always makes me very happy.
Send me your thoughts! I'm on Twitter and love seeing a DM in my inbox. You can also send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Until next Saturday!