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πŸšͺ Don't leave me
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πŸšͺ Don't leave me

6 weeks ago, my 2-year-old had a rough start at the daycare. After 3 weeks of trying, we dropped out. What went wrong? Β Today I'm telling you the entire story. This week I also wrote an extensive article on "understanding the roots of daycare stress" by digging out the attachment

Basak Anil Nov 13, 2021 • 6 min read
πŸ•³οΈ In this shithole with you
letters

πŸ•³οΈ In this shithole with you

Hello friends, An event I witnessed during vacation helped me pinpoint the core of my mission. This week I wanna tell you all about it. I was getting breakfast at our hotel and I saw it. A 10-year-old girl having a rage attack. She was standing beside a large, round

Basak Anil Oct 23, 2021 • 7 min read
πŸ’‰ Emotional vaccination
letters

πŸ’‰ Emotional vaccination

A kid pushed your child in the playground. What should your child do? Push back? Come running to you? Do nothing? Situations like these are confusing. We want our kids to be able to stand up for themselves. But we also want them to avoid using violenceβ€”even if it

Basak Anil Aug 21, 2021 • 3 min read
🐴 Your Trojan Horse
letters

🐴 Your Trojan Horse

Greetings from Tenedos (Bozcaada), a small Aegean island filled with ancient history, wine, and sunshine. I'm currently vacationing here part-time with my family in a beautiful vineyard. And part-time, I keep on creating. Tenedos is the island the Greeks hid their ships during the Trojan War. Hiding here on this

Basak Anil Aug 16, 2021 • 3 min read
πŸͺ Let it go
letters

πŸͺ Let it go

Am I an anxious parent? I see myself as an aware parent. But I wonder: Is my close-to-constant awareness bringing along some anxiety? This week I wanna think this aloud with you. My 21-month-old is soon to start daycare 2 half-days a week and I'm NOT feeling great about this.

Basak Anil Aug 8, 2021 • 3 min read
πŸ”‘ What to expect
letters

πŸ”‘ What to expect

I was on a business class flight this past weekend. My intention was to finish up the letter on the flight. But the temptation to enjoy the 3-course meal and watch a movie as my toddler napped took the better of me. Hence the 2-day delay. :) I hadn't pampered myself

Basak Anil Aug 2, 2021 • 2 min read
πŸ”¦ Got my attention
letters

πŸ”¦ Got my attention

In the early 1970s, an American psychologist named Ed Tronick started visiting newborn nurseries. Each Saturday, he and his colleagues would examine babies together, noticing how newborns communicated through behavior. They did this for 8 months. Back then, the social development in babies had never been studied. That's when Tronick

Basak Anil Jul 24, 2021 • 4 min read
πŸ‘ Get it done
letters

πŸ‘ Get it done

It's been 10 long weeks since the last issue. Thank you for your patience! I wasn't planning the pause to be this long but I ended up getting so much done thanks to it. I've finally started making long and short videos, done lots of writing for my new e-books,

Basak Anil Jul 17, 2021 • 3 min read
🍲 Something's cooking
letters

🍲 Something's cooking

I've been cooking up exciting new things at Apparent, meaning I was busy with the website the whole week. So this week I decided to put together a "best of" issue. Explore the best of Apparent Letter issues & articles down below! 🐘 30 million years: The case against sleep training,

Basak Anil Apr 17, 2021 • 2 min read
βœ‹ I am bored
letters

βœ‹ I am bored

A while ago, a dear Twitter friend confided in me with a parenting challenge she had been having. Her 3-year-old son always seemed bored. He was also clingy. When his mom offered an activity, he refused to play for longer than 5 minutes. Living in a 9-person family, he'd play

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Apr 11, 2021 • 3 min read
🍎 Perfectly imperfect
letters

🍎 Perfectly imperfect

When I hit a parenting dead end, it's rarely about my kidβ€”it's often about me. I see parenting as an opportunity for deep internal work. No wonder it's so hard! No meaningful work is easy. But there's one simple tool at our disposal: embracing the imperfect. Mess, tears, and

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Apr 3, 2021 • 3 min read
🀝 Decision is mine
letters

🀝 Decision is mine

A few weeks ago, a friend I care about said he didn't agree with everything I wrote about parenthood. Curious to know what he was specifically referring to, I asked him to tell me more. He said: "Sometimes when I read your posts I feel you err too much on

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Mar 27, 2021 • 3 min read
πŸ•ŠοΈ Pleased to please
letters

πŸ•ŠοΈ Pleased to please

This week we have twice as many readers as last week! I welcome you with all my heart and extend my gratitude for finding my Apparent Letter worthy of your inbox. ❀️ My piece on sleep training resonated with you guys so much that it got a fair number of retweets

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Mar 21, 2021 • 3 min read
🐘 30 million years
letters

🐘 30 million years

Last week I found myself clenching my jaws while reading a post on Twitter. The author was talking about the perks of "sleep training." It had clearly worked for her and she wanted to share her "tips and tricks" so that other parents could get the "8-hour-long-periods of sleep" she'd

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Mar 14, 2021 • 3 min read
πŸ‘Œ Enough is enough
letters

πŸ‘Œ Enough is enough

Do you ever worry about being a bad parent? If the answer is yes, you probably aren't one. Here's some shocking news: children actually benefit from imperfect parenting. Let me explain. In 1953, Donald Winnicott–the legendary British pediatrician and psychoanalyst–coined the term "good enough mother." I'll call it

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Mar 7, 2021 • 3 min read
πŸƒ Play with me
letters

πŸƒ Play with me

Imagine a magic device. This device would receive our children's cues and translate them into words that we, adults, could make sense of. For instance, it would translate: "I hate you, dad!" into "I love you but I am mad at you at the same time, so I'm confused!"The

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Feb 27, 2021 • 3 min read
πŸ•―οΈ You have power
letters

πŸ•―οΈ You have power

A few weeks ago, I thought of something during a walk. Like all good ideas, it came to me when I wasn't searching for it. "When parents manipulate children to have them under control," I thought, "it's a form of gaslighting." Simply put, gaslighting is to systematically convince someone that

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Feb 20, 2021 • 4 min read
πŸ•ΉοΈ Under my control
letters

πŸ•ΉοΈ Under my control

Question 1: What is the sound of one hand clapping? Answer: The sound of one hand clapping is the sound of one hand clapping. Question 2: What is the sound of one child misbehaving? Answer: The sound of one child misbehaving is the sound of one child misbehaving. Question 3:

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Feb 13, 2021 • 4 min read
πŸ‘€ Curious about you
letters

πŸ‘€ Curious about you

I passed him his tiny milk cup. He grabbed it and turned it upside down. Just like that, the milk spilled on his tray. I was confused. He was proud. A huge grin filled up his face. I filled up his cup again. He turned it upside down again. But

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Feb 6, 2021 • 3 min read
☠️ Safe than sorry
letters

☠️ Safe than sorry

β€œIt was a tragedy of errors. Fourteen-year-old Matilda Crabtree was just playing a practical joke on her father: she jumped out of a closet and yelled "Boo!" as her parents came home at one in the morning from visiting friends. But Bobby Crabtree and his wife thought Matilda was staying

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Jan 30, 2021 • 4 min read
😴 Closing the tabs
letters

😴 Closing the tabs

My boy was never a great sleeper. Our 15-month-long experience was consistent: no matter what adjustments we made, he woke up quite frequently. Some months, he woke up every hour. And some other months he woke up every two hours. This is pretty much the summary of the entire thing.

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Jan 23, 2021 • 5 min read
🚿 Shower thoughts
letters

🚿 Shower thoughts

This morning as I was showering, my mind was busy with all sorts of things. I had just woken up. But my mind had already jumped on the wagon of worrying about work and house chores. My mind was on fire😟 "I should have written more blog posts this week.

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Jan 16, 2021 • 4 min read
❓ Why did you?
letters

❓ Why did you?

Today is 9th issue of The Apparent Letter brought to you on the 9th day of 2021. (I keep typing 2012 – damn it, muscle memory!) This week I'm writing to you about parent's mission. Do you ever stop to think – why did you become a parent? Here's a silly poem

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Jan 9, 2021 • 3 min read
πŸ‘„ Breathe now
letters

πŸ‘„ Breathe now

Hi friends!– Your breath cannot linger in the past, neither can it rush to the future. It stays here and now, against all odds. Your breath is the never-fading rhythm of your life. It is what keeps you alive. It persists when you sleep. It persists when you cook, watch

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Jan 2, 2021 • 4 min read
πŸ‘οΈ Beginner's mind
letters

πŸ‘οΈ Beginner's mind

Hi friends!– Every night, as I pull the zipper of my one-year-old's sleep sack from his chin towards his toes, I hold his chubby little feet in my hands and whisper to them: "Night night lovely feet, don't grow too much tonight, promise?" Then I kiss both of his feet

  • Basak Anil
Basak Anil Dec 26, 2020 • 4 min read
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